Is being a YouTuber better than playing in the BPL? Shoaib Malik must tell us

The Light Roller imagines we're not the only ones to have been pumping out the Mariah Carey recently, following the arrival last month of the hero Test cricket needs. Of course, Ben and the Bazballers have been talking a good game for a while now, though it seems obvious to us that positive vibes and a few more sixes can only go so far.

Clearly, what the format is crying out for is a comprehensive structural overhaul; better funding for those Test-playing nations that don't have access to "Big Three" coffers; some actual leadership and direction from the ICC, taking a strong hand on cricket's global calendar and trying to rationalise the glut of T20 franchise leagues that threaten to choke the ecosystem.

But yeah, hahaha, good one. In the absence of all that, please step forward Test cricket's latest saviour: Shamar Joseph.

The young quick's stunning start to life as a West Indies cricketer/beacon of hope for us all to rally around could scarcely have been more romantic - a quality that nourishes the souls of all Test true believers more than such grubby concerns as money and tour logistics. A fairy-tale rise from the backwaters of a once-great power to toppling the mighty Aussies in their famous "Gabbatoir". The humble origins, taking a wicket with his first ball in Tests, playing through the pain of injury to deliver victory. The purity of his smile (and that 145kph outswinger).

Sorry, we're going to need to sit down for a moment.

Even the opposition captain, Pat Cummins, was swept away with the power of the Joseph narrative in defeat, admitting in one of his by-now-customary betrayals of Australian masculinity: "As a Test-match cricket fan, there's a part of me that was happy to watch."

Of course, none of this would have happened had the ICC not been asleep at the wheel, leading to West Indies sending a shadow squad on one of the toughest touring assignments in the game. And you might already be starting to worry about the cycle repeating itself, with Joseph - who has a young family to support - lured away by the riches and glamour of the T20 circuit.

But never fear, because Joseph quickly scotched any such notion after his Gabba heroics (in a statement that definitely, definitely won't be used against him in the future): "I will always be here to play Test cricket for the West Indies. There will be times when T20 might come around and Test cricket will be there … but I will always be available to play for the West Indies no matter how much money comes towards me."

After all, what could possibly go wrong?

As Oscar Wilde didn't quite say: "To lose one spinner to visa issues on a tour of India might be regarded as misfortune, to lose two looks like carelessness." England got away with it after Rehan Ahmed was briefly detained in Rajkot earlier this week, thanks in large part to the understanding and flexibility of the Indian authorities - not a sentence we ever thought we'd type. But after the rigmarole around Shoaib Bashir's visa led him to miss the first Test, you would have expected the ECB to be super-hot on such matters. It may not be quite as sexy as the rest of the new ethos around English cricket, but clearly you've got to have those paperwork fundamentals in place before you can go off Bazballing around the world.

Pity the BPL, which is no longer allowed into the franchise meat market through the VIP entrance and has to forage for what it can get around the back. Still, any publicity is good publicity, which is why interest was piqued by Shoaib Malik's departure from Fortune Barishal after only three games, amid suggestions from the team owner that anti-corruption officials might want to get involved. A week later, however, Malik was back from a "pre-committed media engagement in Dubai" and happily wearing Barishal colours again. What was this unavoidable diary clash, you wonder? Well, from the Light Roller's investigations, it looks like Malik was pursuing an alternative career as a celebrity YouTube interviewer - no, we're being serious. This raises several questions, number one being: does work as a media intern for Desert Vipers pay more than a gig at the BPL? If so, things just got a whole lot bleaker.