It's clear which team is the best in the world
A deeply scientific analysis comes to a foregone conclusion
Loveable and humble as he is, Kohli would have to go some to outdo Kane Williamson in the popularity stakes. Even those who pretend to find fault with his "neck beard" can't avoid wanting a slice of Kane. Plus, he's in charge of the No. 1-ranked WTC champions (have we mentioned that?) so he must be doing something right.
Verdict: New Zealand
The reappointment of Ravi Shastri to the India job was undoubtedly a great service to cricket commentary boxes the world over. But we'll have to give this one to Gary Stead on the basis that he picks from a player pool consisting of the roughly two dozen New Zealanders who don't like rugby.
Verdict: New Zealand
While it's possible to make a strong case for Rohit Sharma winning this category all on his own, we've got no time for such hipster posturing. According to our sophisticated database, India's three middle-order musketeers, Kohli, Cheteshwar Pujara and Ajinkya Rahane, haven't made a century since well before anyone had heard of Wuhan. And New Zealand have Devon Conway.
Verdict: New Zealand
India are blessed with such riches that they could probably pick two separate attacks - and R Ashwin might not get in either of them. But can any of that compare to Williamson packing the leg-side field and programming Neil Wagner to run in hour after hour and repeatedly try to hit the batter in the head? Wagner-Ball wins every time.
Verdict: New Zealand
Another no-contest, unfortunately. Both teams wear their abilities well and are comfortable strutting their stuff. But while New Zealand could till recently call on the timeless wonder of Colin de Grandhomme's mullet, India have to answer for Ravindra Jadeja and his various crimes against denim.
Verdict: New Zealand
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Alan Gardner is a deputy editor at ESPNcricinfo. @alanroderick